A little known detail about cats that few in the human world appreciate is that cats are very sensitive to the electrical surges coursing through the high voltage lines that criss-cross our country.
As it happened there was an easement, (sneaky term for the power company being able to do anything they want on your property and not having to pay your for it.) that ran across the back part of Zak and Zelda's property. The power company had run some new lines going from the new shopping mall that replaced the retirement cat neighborhood to the substation that was now next to the community pool.
Zak thought, "When one of those wires falls it will be interesting to see how fast the little cats swimming in the community pool become toast."
In any case, in order to run the new lines the power company had put up two poles on "their" easement. In the process the power company dug 17 holes in the yard. Zak just wanted the 15 other holes they had dug filled in. He just did not understand why it took 17 holes for 2 power poles. Each time Zak would go to that part of his yard, he would be so irritated his fur would stand on edge. It was not good for preserving his Zen like peaceful state of mind.
One of the many calls he made to the power company went like this:
"Hello, you have reached Gulf Power, listen carefully because our menu has changed, for English press 1, for Espanol, press 2, for Pig Latin, press 3, for Arabic press 4, for $$#***)(4&&&_!* press 5, and for any other language, if you will send us a certified letter from your attorney we will add it to this message."
Zak pressed 1 (There was no option for cat)
Now said the automated Gulf Power telephone system in its sexy soothing female voice, "To pay your bill press 1, to report a problem press 2."
Zak pressed 2.
The automated system responded, "To report a downed power wire press 1, To report a power outage press 2, For all other problems press 3."
Zak pressed 3.
Then the system began, "For a billing problem, press 1, for all other problems press 2."
Zak pressed 2.
As kind and persistent as all the other times, the automated teller said,"Hello, you have reached Gulf Power, listen carefully because our menu has changed, for English press 1, for Espanol, press 2, for Pig Latin, press 3, for Arabic press 4, for $$#***)(4&&&_!* press 5, and for any other language, if you will send us a certified letter from your attorney we will add it to this message. If you have reached this number in error please hang up and try your call again, or press 9 for the previous menu.
At this point Zak ran down to Home Depot, bought 15 Crepe Myrtles, a tree that would soon overrun the power company lines and which could not be stopped, and planted them in the holes Gulf Power had left behind. Zak thought, "At least I am doing my part to reverse the effects of global warming."
