Zak's shoulder was bleeding profusely where he had tumbled from the shopping cart on their way to the Elton Cat concert. The cart's front wheels had caught on someone's big, way oversized glasses and sent all 57 pounds of Zak flying from the cart toward the pavement at the edge of the beach road. Zak had try to tuck and roll, but at 57 pounds and hardly able to walk, that did not work so well. He hit hard, his shoulder impaling itself on a broken half of a Snapple Healthy Grean Tea bottle.
Even though Zelda had stuffed rags in the wound, the process of getting Zak back in to the cart and getting him to the Cat Hospital had been difficult. His wound continued to bleed.
As soon as they were in the ER Zelda called out for help. An admitting cat called them over to the admitting counter. This cat was dark brown with beady little eyes sitting behind some sort of protective glass. The protective glass was needed since certainly mortally wounded cats, barely able to walk, would try to come across the counter to maim or kill the one cat that could save them.
As Zak leaned from his shopping buggy over the counter and blood dripped through the rags onto the writing area, the admitting nurse asked, "What seems to be the problem?"
Zak wheezed, "I just felt like a tour of the ER. Why would I have a problem?"
Blood continued to drip as the admitting cat said. "You know I don't have to put up with an attitude such as that. You can continue to bleed for all I care. Now what seems to be the problem?"
That is when Zelda stepped in, a rational cat under the circumstances. She said, "He cut his shoulder and needed to have it tended to."
"Oh, why did you not say so. We will get on it right away. Just a few questions first."
"Where was he when he cut his shoulder?"
Zelda answered. "The Beach"
The admitting cat said, "Wasn't that the Elton Cat concert? I am a big fan of his. I really wanted to go to that, but had to work. Can you believe it? It has been years since I could see him. I heard he was gay. What shame. He was so cute before I knew that. He still cute. Quite a waste, don't you think?"
As the admitting cat went on and on, Zelda finally said, "Can we get back to the shoulder?
Another drop of blood landed on the counter. Almost as a side statement the admitting cat said, "Someone will really have to clean that up. Ok, the shoulder. What did he cut the shoulder on?"
"A Snapple bottle." said Zelda.
"Was it full or empty? asked the admitting cat.
"Empty!" Zelda growled.
"Now, the admitting cat said, "Don't get your fur in a ruffle. We have to know that. Some Snapple drinks can cause infection. Those can be very severe."
Just then, Zak fell back into his cart, having passed out from blood loss. The nurse in the triage station had just come out and seeing this called a CODE KITTY. Five burly gurney cats came out lifted Zak onto a gurney and wheeled him back into the working area in the ER. Zelda, had to hurry to keep up. As Zelda chased after Zak she heard the admitting nurse yelling after her, "We did not talk about his insurance."
Back in the ER the gurney cats parked Zaks gurney just outside of ER room 15. They explained that all the rooms were filled but this one, and that this one still had to be prepped. In the meantine a nurse cat, Miss Needles came over to assist. She quickly got an IV in to start replacing fluids and staunched the wound with a set of clean surgical rags and gauze. She said, "We will get him in a room as fast as we can. In the meantime, these steps should help, until a doctor can get here and tend to the wound."
With time and the extra fluid Zak started to revive. He was able to push up a little. His shoulder was starting to throb as the intial shock wore off. As they sat out in the hall on the gurney they could see the nurses at the nurses station. The nurses looked very engrossed in something as they all sat or stood around one monitor. Then Zak and Zelda heard that fateful sound, " Yippe, I've gotten to level three!." In the meantime his shoulder was hurting more and more. Zelda yelled, "I need some help over here!"
Just then the a couple of gurney cats came out of room 15 with a gurney piled high with red stained sheets, medical equipment, empty IVs and as the gurney rounded the corner Zelda thought she saw a beige bit of cat tail. One of the gurney cats called out to the nurses station that room 15 was ready. With the help of a couple of other gurney cats, (it seemed like gurney cats were everywhere) Zak was wheeled into room 15. His IV was hung on the wall hook. In just a few minutes nurse Needles came in, took his pulse and hooked him up to the ECG,
the electrocat cardiogram machine. "Now, this won't hurt a bit." she said as she put the adhesive and contact on Zaks fur. She then taped the contact to the fur as well. Almost immediately they could here the beeping of the heart on the overhead monitor and see the lines of Zaks heart beat going by. As the nurse left. she said that the doctor would be in soon to tend to Zak's wound. What about something for pain?, Zelda asked. Nurse Needles said she would be right back. Zak and Zelda sure knew that was true. As time passed while Zak and Zelda waited for the return of the nurse or the doctor Zak's discomfort grew. Zelda looked around the room for something to distract Zak from his discomfort. There was a computer and monitor mounted on the wall. Zelda gingerly touched the mouse with her paw and the monitor came to life. "Look Zak!" she said, "It's a list of the patients in the ER. It has their symptoms as well."
"Oh my goodness." she said, "Graybeard is in the room 38. He has viagrititis. The recommended treatment is to make him comfortable, give him an ice bath every 4 hours, then wait up to 36 hours for the condition to improve. I never knew he had it in him."
"And Zak,", said Zelda, "Mrs. Breeder cat is here having her 4th litter in two years. She barely has enough room for all those baby cats now. If she and her hubby cat would stop with the catnip, maybe this would not keep happening."
"We know one of the other cats that are here as well." she relayed, "Its LoanCat from down at the Check And Go place. Apparently, from the notes, one of his customers had come in to pay him back with a bag of 10,000 pennies. When he refused to take them, the customer hit him over the head with the bag causing a blunt force trauma. Apparently, LoanCat is just pennies away from heaven at this point. Get it, pennies away."
Zak smiled weaky, but he was starting to fade again. Just then the Doctor, Cat Sewhimup came in, and said, "We need to look at this wound." It did not take long for the doctor to remove the dressing, irrigate the wound, inject some local anethestic, and to sticth Zak up where he had been bleeding internally and to stitch up his outer wound. The doctor said, "I am going to give you a prescription for some antibiotics and for a pain killer. You are going to need both. We only see Snapple Green Tea infections a couple of times a year, but they are always bad.
Often it is difficult to stop the diarreha. Even worse, the victims often think they are saving the world from aliens. I would not be so bad but they want everyone to reward them for their effort and for everyone else to drink the green tea. Frankly, the world does not have that much plumbing available."
Zelda then asked, "Doctor, can we get the prescription in generic?"
Dr. Sewhimup responded by asking, "What type of insurance do you have?"
"Why does that matter?" said Zelda.
"Because, if you have to pay out of pocket for the medication, then the generic is best. However, if you have insurance the brand name includes free medical education and a trip to Aruba." said the doctor.
"You mean we get a trip to Aruba?" asked Zelda.
"No" said the doctor, "I get the trip so I will be a better doctor, and so my wife can get a tan. Believe it or not, that makes me a better doctor as well."
Zelda sighed, "We do have insurance."
"That almost does it." said the doctor with a satisfied purr, "When the nurses finish playing 'Cat Doom Operating Room 3' I'll have them get these ECG leads off you and see that you are discharged. You may want to take some pain killer first, those ECG leads really stick to the fur."
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